changes

There are some thoughts that you should probably keep to yourself but there are also some that need to be talked about because it can possibly do some good for another and I think my latest one is one of the latter. I’ve been pretty ‘stuck’ for the past few months. I was doing so much – working hard at school, getting a lot of hours in for work, hanging out with friends, having a great time. But something was off. It was too…perfect. Nothing was changing, nothing was happening. I was in a rut. A mental and spiritual rut. I wasn’t growing. I felt like I was juggling the world but my hands were empty. I felt that I was simply just…existing.

In my efforts to be focused and do well in every aspect of my life, I had lost my passions. When the changes stopped, I stopped. I thought it was the greatest feeling in the world to finally have nothing wrong in life and have everything perfect. But perfect, it turns out, isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Life is meant to be exciting and unpredictable. It’s supposed to be a learning process and you’re never going to learn anything if you stay comfortable in your ‘perfection’.  I was just happy to get away from the cycle that I had put myself in for my whole life with all the changes and the ups and downs but you know what I realized?  I may have escaped that cycle but I started living in a worse cycle. A cycle of the mundane and conventional. I’m not saying that it’s good to have an unhealthy roller coaster of a life, definitely not. But it’s SO important to keep taking risks – just make sure they’re the right ones.

For example, I’m planning to move out of my house and live with my best friend in September. I’m transferring to the University of Minnesota which is already going to be a huge change but I decided that even though I’ll be able to attend the school from home, I’m going to choose to move out. Why? Because it’s hard. I’m so comfortable at home where I have meals ready, no rent, family by my side and no responsibilities. I can do whatever I want with friends and I have absolutely no reason that would push me to leave which is exactly why I’m doing it. Yes, it’ll be hard to work more to pay rent and living expenses. Yes, it’ll be hard to not see my parents every single day. Yes, it’ll be hard to be in an environment where I’ll have to keep myself more in check. But if I don’t challenge myself in life, what’s this life for? The last thing I want to do is leave my room and the house that I’ve grown up in but I’m doing it because I don’t want to. I want to learn how to make myself do things that I’m not comfortable with so that when things happen that are out of my control, I’ll be able to overcome them. As someone who hates change, this will help me face my fears. It may completely backfire on me and not end up as I plan but you know what? At least I’ll know that I tried. I tried to do something different and I learned from it.

But this is just me and this is just my tiny little life and my trivial choices. There might be some of you out there that are at crossroads and need to make some really important decisions in your life. My advice would be to do something that scares you. Don’t mistake that with something that would make you unhappy because that’s the last thing you’d want. I just mean, do something that you wouldn’t usually decide on, something that challenges you, something that will help you change. Because If you’re not changing, you’re not growing and if you’re not growing, you’re stuck. Stuck in this cycle of just existing.  And you should never want to just exist. You should want to live. You should want to live every single moment of your life. If it’s a good moment, you’ll get happiness and joy out of it and if it’s a bad moment, you’ll gain a lesson out of it. Either way, you’ll always be achieving something. So let yourself change, let life change and let yourself live to the fullest because you deserve it.

Every day is Ashura; Every land is Kerbala

Before I say anything, I'd recommend anyone who doesn't know the story of Kerbala or Imam Hussein to watch this video. It'll give you a brief summary of the tragedy and my post will make a lot more sense to you as well. For those who do know the story, the video is great to share with your non-shia or non-Muslim friends if they're interested.

"Every day is Ashura; Every land is Kerbala". This has been a very common saying among Shia Muslims during the time of Ashura. But do we even know the meaning of it? Do we truly understand the truth in that statement? Maybe this will help:

Afghanistan - 61 killed and more than 160 injured
Iraq -30 killed

Men, women and children who wanted to exercise their right as Shias to mourn the death of their beloved Imam and his family are met only with multiple bombings. Blood spilled, body parts thrown across the streets and the cries of women and children. Where have we heard this before? Seven centuries may have passed but those who show their support and love for the truth are still brutally killed all over the world. And you know how in Kerbala the ones who killed the family of the Imam also called themselves 'Muslim'? Nothing's changed there. It's still Muslims on both sides. Scary right?

But those atrocities are just on Ashura. What about the oppression that runs rampant every single day? Bahrain. Palestine. Libya. Tunisia. People wanted their rights and for justice to be served, to not have to bow down to a corrupt government and though they were peaceful with their protests, many were imprisoned, abused, injured and brutally killed. Ring a bell? THIS is the story of Kerbala. and it's TODAY. it's EVERYDAY. This is what you should think of when you say the words 'everyday is Ashura, every land is Kerbala'. But should we just leave it to those who are going through these difficulties? Is that what we've learned from the story that we've been hearing over and over since childhood? Imam cried for help after every soldier and family member he had, died. And nobody replied. Our brothers and sisters are calling us from all of those places where everyday really is Ashura. Are we going to ignore their calls? Or are we going to take action and do everything in our power to help them overcome oppression and make sure justice is served. Many people suffered in Kerbala but the Imam and his family's sacrifice caused people to realize what had happened. Bibi Zainab's courage and bravery caused people to listen. Are we going to follow in her footsteps? Kerbala is already happening everywhere. Now we just have to take the steps of Bibi Zainab and the rest of the Imam's companions to spread the word. Spread the word of injustice. Spread the word of oppression. Open people's eyes and ears to the horror that others face every single day. Then only will we be truly fulfilling the mission Imam Hussain started so many years ago.

TSOR & Khaled M.

I went to a benefit concert called Harmony for the Horn a couple days ago and it was an event which had well known artists such as Khaled M and The Sound of Reason perform and all the proceeds went to East Africa. It was SUCH  a great night. To be perfectly honest, i hadn't heard of any of those people before that night but I fell so in love with them that I feel like it's a duty to spread the word to everyone. Basically, if you like artists such as Immortal Technique and Lowkey, you're gonna love these artists as well. They've got pretty much the same intention of spreading awareness of political issues, societal flaws and making an effort to change the direction of mainstream music. For people like me who can't stand songs that are all about sex, money and useless crap, I feel like i can finally listen to awesome music that's actually clean and doesn't kill my brain cells!

THE SOUND OF REASON

     So, The sound of reason is made up of Francis and Ku, both of who were friends long before they started their mission to change the sound of mainstream music. In under a year, they've gone from their basement studio in Montreal, Canada to being in the top 10 of the international radio list. I met them after the concert to get their autographs and their personalities off stage are exactly the same as on stage. Their sincerity and down to earth personalities are so great that you just can't not love em. What i love about their music is the variety. From a song about Palestine to a love song for an unborn child to the political corruption of the government - they've seriously got it ALL. Here's one of their songs, one of my absolute faves, it's called 'palestine'. Only Francis is singing in this one but you can hear Ku on his guitar :)

KHALED M.

Khaled tries to make it known that he is 'less politics, more lyrics'. He actually isn't too big for politics but more concerned with connecting with people through his music. You can see the love of his faith and his efforts to be clean with his music in a lot of his lyrics. He wants a way to spread the truth without being controlled by mainstream telling him what to sing about. Even though he isn't a huge fan of politics, some of his songs such as 'can't take our freedom' does talk about the oppression going on in Libya, Tunisia, Egypt and Palestine. But I mean, who could blame him when his dad died in imprisonment for being involved in the opposition movement in Libya? All in all, he's a great guy with great music and you gotta check him out. Here's the song i just mentioned a bit ago called 'can't take our freedom' made along with Lowkey.

imagine

I really don't have much to say. Well it's more like, what I'm thinking is really hard to be expressed in words and if i even try it'll come off as a negative rant about how terrible the world is and how sad it makes me. So instead, for the sake of both of us, I'm just going to post this beautiful, amazing song which says it all.

10/23/11 ----- Minneapolis, Minnesota

Parents and I at Trafalgar Square 

Hey all!! I know that a lot of people have been wanting all the details from my trip to England and France so while I was there, I had been writing posts every now and then and emailed it all to myself. I’m going to put all the posts here all at once but they’ve got the dates on them so it’ll give you all a better idea of how the trip went step by step. It goes from most recent all the way down to my first day in England so you'll have to scroll down quite a few posts to get to the beginning of the trip :) 

Guess who’s back in Brooklyn Park, Minnesota? Okay okay, it’s not that bad but man I miss England! Alright before I go all weepy on you, I’ll take you back a bit to my last few days in London. Well, the day I had gone to Kent, my parents went to Trafalgar square, Big Ben, Edgeware road and all those places and I had missed it all so they took me on Thursday, the day before we left. It was really nice cos I didn’t really remember it much from ten years ago and being in the center of London felt perfect for it being the last day out. We did end up getting lost as well! Instead of going to Edgeware Road, the Arabic street full of shawarmas, we accidentally went to Edgeware, the suburban area at the very edge of London. It was really pretty and we did get to see a part of London that was really different! We found our way back though and that night my parents and uncle and aunt were planning on going to the mosque since it was Thursday night. Don’t get me wrong, I love going to mosque, I really do. But it was my last night in England and I really wanted to spend it being out and doing something. Luckily, thanks to Abbas, the great big brother he is came and picked me up from the house and even my other cousins who I was living with came with and we all went for some shisha and dinner. It was a really great night since I didn’t get to spend much time with the cousins in London that I was actually staying with cos we were out a lot so it was nice getting to talk properly and hang out. I also got to see London by night one more time on the drive home and it felt like a perfect last day of vacation. 
 

All I can say about the morning we left is basically that it was really not hitting me. I kept thinking that I’m just going on another drive to see the city instead of the airport to leave the country. When it did hit me though, it was a pretty sad moment. I had fallen in love with England and all my family there. It felt like I was leaving home in a way as weird as that sounds. After a long day of flights and stopovers, I finally did get to my actual home. It feels so surreal and I’m actually pretty disoriented being here. It feels like I never left and have been gone for years at the same time. It’s a really bittersweet feeling but three weeks was long enough that I got the chance to fully enjoy my time out and it’s not completely terrible being home. I think just having a break in general has been refreshing and has rejuvenated me mentally and physically so I’m actually more energized to go back into my routine. I’m only being so positive though because I know that I’ll find one way or another to go back to England as soon as possible! :D

10/18/11 ----- Paris, France

At the top of the Notre Dame looking over the city 

 Bonjour! We just got back from Paris earlier today and I never got a chance to update while I was there so I’m just going to fill you all in now :) The first day there was a bit sad cos I was still missing Leicester like crazy and I was also very very exhausted to really enjoy anything. For some reason, even though I knew obviously that people didn’t speak much English in Paris but I thought that at least, there would be some here and there. Oh how very, very wrong I was. It took us about half an hour to get to our hotel which was actually only five minutes away from the station we arrived at. The reason? We couldn’t get any directions cos we didn’t know French and without that, it got pretty difficult. I told my parents though, just to find an Asian and we’d be fine and funnily, I was right! We found this Pakistani restaurant and they explained in Urdu, a language both parties knew thankfully, where our hotel was. I slept for most of the day until nighttime when we met up with some distant relatives of my mom. We went for dinner to that same Pakistani restaurant from earlier and it was nice to meet some khoja French people. They didn’t know too much English so we communicated mostly in gujurati. It was a nice time though and by that time, I was getting a bit more excited about our stay there and was ready for the next day. 

The way we chose to tour Paris was the hop on, hop off tour bus. It has four lines that goes through the city and you can get off the bus wherever, spend as much time as you want at a place, and get back on the next bus since they come every few minutes everywhere. The first day, we visited a really beautiful sculpture garden, the Notre Dame which we also went up (422 steps and a stitch in the side later) and last but not least, the Eiffel Tower. Oh and get this – right when we reached the Eiffel tower, my camera started dying. That would happen right? I just made sure to get a couple pics in the day time and then switched it off so we’d be able to get some at night as well. Unfortunately though, we only got one not so great picture at night before it did die. It’s okay though, we enjoyed our time there and the couple pics we did get were good enough. I have to say though, being there was surreal. Right when we were coming close to it and it was right in front of me I was thinking. ‘wow…am I actually here? Is this actually right in front of me?’ I mean, with a sight that you see so much on television and posters, it doesn’t hit you for a while when you’re actually right next to it. It truly is beautiful though. The structure and all the lights at night, it’s breathtaking. Being so wrapped up in how amazing it is, we didn’t realize the time pass by so when we got to the bus stop where our tour bus would come by, we got told that it was done for the night. I found it a bit weird cos it still was only 8:30 but anyway, we got a little panicked cos we had no idea how we’d get home. Taking a taxi would be way too expensive and we didn’t know how the routes worked yet to get home on the public bus. Thankfully, we were blessed with an angel sent from above right then. Honestly, this woman was our lifesaver that night. She happened to be standing right next to us at the bus stop and I just asked us how the metro lines worked and when she realized that she would be going the exact same way we needed to go, she offered to go together with us. She was also a tourist and had only been in Paris for a few days but was from Argentina and knew quite a bit of English. We all went to the train station together, she waited for about ten minutes while we got our tickets, and made sure we got on the right train and made sure we fully understood exactly where we needed to go. I can honestly say that if we hadn’t met her, we probably would have been roaming the streets till midnight trying to find our way home. She was so great to talk to and she was just one of those people that you come across very, very rarely.  I wish her the best in her travels and hope she gets home safely :)

   
Our second day was a little more relaxing…well, most of the time. We had walked so much the day before that we decided to just see things from the bus for the day unless there was somewhere we really wanted to get off. It was working just fine until I realized that my temporary pre-paid sim card I had bought when I first entered Paris had run out of credit and that my mom’s aunt was going to be calling any minute to meet up with us. We literally spent two and a half hours going back and forth around an area trying to find a sim card. One of the stores had them but get this – they don’t sell it until 3 pm. Really? What difference would it make to sell a sim card before or after 3 pm? And then we found the other stores but they wouldn’t give it without seeing our passports or some form of identification which of course, we left back at the hotel. Oh, and the pay phones don’t take coins, they take cards which we had to go buy and ended up not being able to use anyway because the phone was acting up. Eventually, we just used this gujurati worker’s phone to call and cancel. After that though, the rest of the day went pretty well. Until then, we had been staying and going around in the ‘old’ Paris and we got to see the new Paris with the big buildings and offices and it strangely made me feel at home haha. 

Overall, when I think of Paris, I think I had a love hate relationship with it. Love because it’s so stunningly beautiful. The architecture, the small little side streets which make you think of the early 1500’s, the tiny cafes and shop and of course, the dessert! Hate because a lot of the streets smelled like pee, the language barrier, and the WEIRD rules! I mean, forget sim card after 3 pm but no heaters on weekends at the hotel? French people I tell you. Oh and how could I forget? Most of the restaurants are all open so in one of them, there were and I kid you not, pigeons under the tables. And I mean like, five plus pigeons just walking around. I hate to admit but I turned so American so fast. I couldn’t stand being in there and eating so I had to actually go out to the street to eat. I’m sorry, call me spoiled but birds? In a food place? Not just that but I’m actually scared of birds when they’re not in the sky and when there’s more than two of them. Especially those city birds that aren’t scared of anything! In the end of it all, Paris was a great experience and I loved it but I think two days was enough for me and I couldn’t wait to get back to England. When I first got to the train station in London and saw English everywhere, I’m not going to lie, I almost wanted to jump with joy haha. So yes, I’m back in good ol’ London now and have got three more days here till we leave to go back home *sniff*. Gotta end this here though cos I’ve gotta go for dinner with my brother in law’s sister and aunt which I’m very excited about since I haven’t seen his sister since the wedding four years ago! See ya later! :)

10/16/11 ----- Leicester, England

the only boys I need in my life :)

About what I said at the end of that last post about probably not having much to update on, I was wrong haha. This week has honestly been so, SO great. After our first weekend that I already told you about in the last post, I had literally spent the first two days of the week here in my pajamas watching television, playing with the kids and doing pretty much nothing else and it felt great :)

 

After a couple days’ rest though, I was ready to go out again so Tahira bhabhi, who is pretty much one of THE coolest people I’ve ever met and probably will ever meet, took me out. We went to the big mall there just to look around and get some stuff and then she took me KFC! I repeat, HALAL KFC!! I hadn’t had KFC since I went to Florida for my cousin’s wedding in 2006. I was so excited and was not disappointed. The popcorn chicken I had that day and the drumsticks I had a couple days after when we went again was just as delicious as I remembered it to be :) Later that day, Sajjad Bha and Zainab Bhabhi took me out to watch Johnny English 2 and some dessert at pizza hut. I always knew Sajjad Bha was cool because, well he IS a haji you know. But I’m so so lucky to have been able to spend time with Zainab Bhabhi. She is so funny and upbeat and just so fun to hang with. Oh and the movie was HILARIOUS. I recommend everyone to go watch it like, now. I haven’t seen the first one but they told me the second was funnier anyway. 

A couple more days passed and before I knew it, it’s the last day at Leicester and we’re leaving for Paris tomorrow. It was a great last day though. Tahira bhabhi, mom and I went out in the morning, I chilled at home with the kids and bhabhi during the day and at night, we all went out for dinner and dessert. Mohd. Ali had come back again for the weekend from Birmingham where he goes to school and it was so great to get to know him. I really hope he doesn’t read this cos we have a fully established relationship of only insulting each other as much as possible so if he sees a compliment, I’m done for haha. But really, it was great to be able to talk to someone my own age and get to know more about him cos all I had remembered for ten years was a chubby kid who made fun of me for being scared of pigeons ten years ago. So yes, this is definitely progress! Oh, and he’s still chubby. Sorry cuz, it feels way too weird being nice to you, I had to get an insult in there somewhere :)

 

The night ended with me going for some shisha with mohd ali, his friends and sajjad bha and I got introduced to pretty much the best flavor of shisha…ever. Watermelon, berry and mint. It was so good that when we were leaving I was standing and still smoking it cos I couldn’t let go of it. Honestly, it was great, all you shisha fans have got to try it! When we got home that night, I got the best treat. Mohd ali and Abbas (my other cousin) had gone to the states this past summer and got to visit the NBC studios where they had a chance to film themselves doing a news and weather report and bought the video afterwards. I had been hearing all week about how embarrassing it was and couldn’t wait to see it. After I had made sure that everyone in the house was sitting in the living room to see my cousins embarrass themselves, I finally saw it. And it was so much better than I imagined. We didn’t get to see Abbas’ bit but mohd ali…oh man. He pretty much made the biggest fool of himself that he could possibly make. I’m happy to say that I recorded the whole thing on my camera and if I feel mean enough, you all might see it on Facebook sometime :P  

The next day was pretty much the saddest day of my trip so far. Saying goodbye to everyone was so much harder than I thought it’d be. The moment I’d been dreading more than any had finally come: saying bye to the kids. Muntazir, Irfan ali and Sakina have all made their own place in my heart and usually I’m not a mushy person but with them, I can’t help it. I didn’t get to say bye to Sakina because she was sleeping but I went to her crib just to see her before I left and that’s what triggered it all. After one last hug to bhabhi, the kids and my aunt and uncle, we were in the car on the way to the station and I have to admit, I actually teared up a bit. Getting a text from bhabhi a bit later saying that the kids were crying and wanted me back didn’t help at all either. I was trying so hard to be excited for Paris but it just wasn’t happening. All I wanted was to go back to Leicester and be on the couch watching cartoons with the boys, holding Sakina.

Eventually I made myself realize that hey, it’s been an amazing week and I’ve met such great people but it’s time to go and hopefully I’d see them soon. I just have to say though that I still miss you guys like crazy. Tahira Bhabhi and Zainab Bhabhi – the talks I’ve had with both of you and the time we spent together meant a lot to me and I feel like I’ve gained two more older sisters. Hasnain Bha, Sajjad Bha, Abbas and Mohd Ali – It was really nice to actually be able to see you all and get to know you throughout the week and thanks to each of you for such great conversations and yes, I miss you all even after all the teasing :)  Also, majorly special thanks to Chacha and Chachi for having us stay at their house and being so great to us the whole time. The amount of time and effort they’ve given to making us feel comfortable and making sure we have a good time is unbelievable. Inshallah, I’ll get to see you all very, very soon :)