There are some thoughts that you should probably keep to yourself but there are also some that need to be talked about because it can possibly do some good for another and I think my latest one is one of the latter. I’ve been pretty ‘stuck’ for the past few months. I was doing so much – working hard at school, getting a lot of hours in for work, hanging out with friends, having a great time. But something was off. It was too…perfect. Nothing was changing, nothing was happening. I was in a rut. A mental and spiritual rut. I wasn’t growing. I felt like I was juggling the world but my hands were empty. I felt that I was simply just…existing.
In my efforts to be focused and do well in every aspect of my life, I had lost my passions. When the changes stopped, I stopped. I thought it was the greatest feeling in the world to finally have nothing wrong in life and have everything perfect. But perfect, it turns out, isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Life is meant to be exciting and unpredictable. It’s supposed to be a learning process and you’re never going to learn anything if you stay comfortable in your ‘perfection’. I was just happy to get away from the cycle that I had put myself in for my whole life with all the changes and the ups and downs but you know what I realized? I may have escaped that cycle but I started living in a worse cycle. A cycle of the mundane and conventional. I’m not saying that it’s good to have an unhealthy roller coaster of a life, definitely not. But it’s SO important to keep taking risks – just make sure they’re the right ones.
For example, I’m planning to move out of my house and live with my best friend in September. I’m transferring to the University of Minnesota which is already going to be a huge change but I decided that even though I’ll be able to attend the school from home, I’m going to choose to move out. Why? Because it’s hard. I’m so comfortable at home where I have meals ready, no rent, family by my side and no responsibilities. I can do whatever I want with friends and I have absolutely no reason that would push me to leave which is exactly why I’m doing it. Yes, it’ll be hard to work more to pay rent and living expenses. Yes, it’ll be hard to not see my parents every single day. Yes, it’ll be hard to be in an environment where I’ll have to keep myself more in check. But if I don’t challenge myself in life, what’s this life for? The last thing I want to do is leave my room and the house that I’ve grown up in but I’m doing it because I don’t want to. I want to learn how to make myself do things that I’m not comfortable with so that when things happen that are out of my control, I’ll be able to overcome them. As someone who hates change, this will help me face my fears. It may completely backfire on me and not end up as I plan but you know what? At least I’ll know that I tried. I tried to do something different and I learned from it.
But this is just me and this is just my tiny little life and my trivial choices. There might be some of you out there that are at crossroads and need to make some really important decisions in your life. My advice would be to do something that scares you. Don’t mistake that with something that would make you unhappy because that’s the last thing you’d want. I just mean, do something that you wouldn’t usually decide on, something that challenges you, something that will help you change. Because If you’re not changing, you’re not growing and if you’re not growing, you’re stuck. Stuck in this cycle of just existing. And you should never want to just exist. You should want to live. You should want to live every single moment of your life. If it’s a good moment, you’ll get happiness and joy out of it and if it’s a bad moment, you’ll gain a lesson out of it. Either way, you’ll always be achieving something. So let yourself change, let life change and let yourself live to the fullest because you deserve it.
