familiar heaven

there's always this place you tend to go to when you need time on your own, and just need to get away. It's like a personal heaven. always the same with every visit, radiating all the same vibes it always has. But one day..when you really need the familiarity..the bond..it seems to have changed. it still looks the same from afar...but when you get nearer...you realize the color of the water is a bit darker..and the people that always gave you friendly smiles, have a different look on their faces. Nothing's bad or cold. It's just not as familiar a heaven as it always was.

reality road

You’re always on a road. Sometimes you reach your destination very easily, without any directions, and without much time. But sometimes the road is a little longer, and with those long trips, your car is filled with people, to guide, to give company. Slowly, the car empties out, and more of those people find their own stops, and get off there. You then realize that no matter how much people seem like they’re going to stay throughout the whole trip, they stop right when they find their own destinations. Then, you’re the only one left to drive, and at first feel like you’ll never make it without the company, or guidance, but then create your own map, follow your own directions, and you’re left with your thoughts as your only company. Or maybe some music.

Half a Prayer

-- written by a great and extremely talented friend --

Lord please emancipate my mind
from the ties that bind me and make me blind
if the wealth and the rides fill me with pride
then I'll put them aside, put them behind and learn and teach
Lord ordain me the power to extend my reach
to my brothers and my sisters on the fields and streets
to erect shades to shade them from the searing heat
to build shelters and houses and provide them with food to eat
'cause they've got no food to eat, you'd think that was it but they got no place to sleep,
I thought I had problems, their shit is oceans deep,
some of them get depressed and take the leap down a hundred feet off a building
I live in covered spaces they sleep without a ceiling, without the world feeling
its cold hard reality there's no miracle healing,
we better start dealing in feeding these weeping kids before its too late and god-forbid.
they drop down the lid and start doing what their fathers did; killed and stole money and went and hid
someone needs to take the time to sit and bridge, sit and reach, but its like the whole world is too busy to sit and list
like everything is okay and problems don't exist, nobody will resist the good life they just go along with it
until we're hit personally then it's like 'why am I in shit?'
yo, wake up dude all this time all you did was a hit-and-miss
can't say you tried, can't say you did your bit
why are you complaining now, just go along with it?
Lord accept this half-a-prayer, built on half-hope and half-dispair, help me 'cause I'm only half-prepared, if I'm gonna take on the world I gotta start somewhere...

*Faded Stars*

Some of us are stars..some are lookers. The lookers only see the stars when they’re shining..but when a cloudy night comes along, the lookers no longer show their admiration, but only their ignorance. Why look at something when it’s not standing out? But it takes those cloudy nights for us to really appreciate the stars for lighting our nights when they do. We should  remember not only the shining stars…but the faded ones too.

Chased Satisfaction

Satisfaction always evades us. We go to school..but there is always that feeling that the world is hiding something we don’t know. We get a career, but we have to be on top of the mountain. We get married, but our companion always seems to have something missing that we always wanted. We have kids but they never seem to fulfill something you always wanted to. There is always that void in us, that never seems to be filled no matter where we go, what we do, or whom we talk to. What is it we want from the world? From life? What is that fulfillment and how far do we go to achieve it? Whatever it is, the more we chase it, the faster and farther it runs. Like sand, the harder we try to hold it in our hands, the faster it slips through our fingers. Is there really something out there in the world that is meant to be found by us? Or is it something in ourselves that always wants something to look for?

Lost

Remember that time that you were lost in a very big and crowded place, separated from your family, and feeling that everything and everyone else is so much bigger and stronger than you? Remember that feeling of suffocation and that pang of fear?

It’s one thing being lost and knowing exactly what you need to find and where you need to be. It’s another thing being lost in yourself. Not knowing what you need to find, or even if you want to find it. Not knowing where your destination is. It’s having four different directions all around you, and not knowing which one to take, because you don’t know where you need to go. You’re trying to slow down because you know you have to…but speeding up because you want it to be over. The suffocation… the fear… the uncertainty. It’s a poison that seeps through your brain, heart, and soul. Imagine…your entire being, and purpose of life being questioned. No guidance..no direction. Being swallowed up by nothingness..neither here nor there. At the same time..anger is taking over because there is so much more in the world..and time is being wasted being ‘lost’.

Everything you ever lived for becomes nothing but a speck of dust left on a road so long ago. Sometimes…in the process of trying to find ourselves and make ourselves better..we lose ourselves even more.

Circle

We always run in a circle. At times that circle can be very big, so we don’t even realize what direction we’re running in. Sometimes it’s so small, you run faster and faster to find the hole to get out. Either we run so fast, that we miss the hole every time we pass it, or when we run so fast, we fall…but that fall might be what we need to remember to slow down…look closer..and discover that little break in the circle.