knock knock

Been sitting out here for a while
I tried the windows
Tried the roof
Even the basement
But nobody’s home
You never leave Your house
So this bit of news is shocking
Because I really need Your company
But I don’t hear Your footsteps coming to greet me
I look through the windows
And all I see are the remains of memories
I go back home
Haven’t visited You in a while
Thought I might get a call
But You proved me wrong
Thought I must have done something really bad
To not hear from You
But then I remembered
You had told me to just try the front door
I run over
Knock the door
And there You are
I truly hope You’ll let me in

and now i see...

Walked so many roads
Stumbling aimlessly over hills
Not knowing my aim
Searching for love and care that the heart aches for.

Turned away from the shining light that is Your grace.
Feeling abandoned
Searching up into a vast emptiness
Not being able to find You among the stars

But now as I turn to You…I realize:
that I need You
that i am only human
that i can’t survive on my own
You not only keep my heart beating
But also my soul alive
Without You
I am nothing

And now as I open my eyes...i see:
Your guiding light
Waiting for me to succumb
Into Your loving arms.
For now, all I see is You.

too real

-- all credit to shabbir lakha --

I’m feelin jus so damn hollow
So ima jus sit back and wallow
Deep in this pool of sorrow
And think bitterly of tomorrow
Promised with sadness
Sworn to a path of madness
The mere sight of gladness
So hard to find, so far away
Might as well be a needle in hay
And i’m waiting for the day
That you’ll turn around and say
Say that you no longer care
You’ve had more than your share
Of my pain, its too much to bear
And scamper off like a hare
And all alone sitting in this chair
Into the gloomy sky i stare
Whisper the silent prayer
To live through the suffering i swear
Summon the strength to dare
Let out a smile thats seen so rare
Shining through those misty glares
Leaving the silent tears behind a smiling mask
The deception is such a difficult task
Its an attempt to put away the past
Moving on, driving by, super fast
Despite the grim future set in an iron cast
I’ll fight through and make sure i last
Only coz giving up aint an option
Or i would be deep under an ocean
By now overdosed on some potion
And thats the sad life that i live
And don’t even try to act like you give
Two pieces of shit
Or a squirt of piss
You don’t care a bit
So go suck some dick
You fucking homo prick
Don’t you ever judge me
Coz in my shoes you’ll never be
And through my eyes you’ll never see
The pain in my heart you’ll never feel
Inside knowing it will never heal
And its all jus too damn real.

our true destination

Isn’t it funny how absolutely sure we are of our tomorrow? We go to sleep thinking of the next day’s schedule and the next..and next. Isn’t it funny how we feel like we’re in control? News Flash : we’re not. We have no idea if we’re going to make it to the next week, day, or hour. As much as we’re reminded of this fact, I don’t believe that it really ‘hits’ any of us. If it did, God wouldn’t be a subconscious part in the back of ours heads, rather He would be on the constant forefront and every single thing we do would be in His way. Doesn’t sound too easy does it? It’s not.

I used to always believe that we don’t have to be religious to be accepted or loved by God or even go to Heaven. As long as we are good, honest people, give charity, stay connected to Him, and have our basics down, we’re good. But there’s a difference between being just a ‘believer’ and being a Muslim. Our very purpose of life is to submit. That being said, we don’t get to pick and choose what we think we should follow and ignore what we don’t fully understand. The point of being a Muslim is not only being a good person, but going to the extra length of worship and submission and trust. To follow through every single rule, though you may not know why just yet, but trust God enough to know that it’s there for a reason and will be good for you in the end. Each and every one of us are meant to go through their own Jihad; it can be personal such as financial problems, a physical or mental inability, experiencing a death of a close one, or it could be pertaining to Islam which would include observing hijab, praying, fasting, or whatever it may be. Meeting and trying our best to overcome these challenges are what we’re set here for and having God throughout just makes it that much easier.

These are the main points that we forget – we get so incredibly sucked up in our lives and this materialistic world that we forget what we’re living for: the hereafter. That’s what’s real, that’s what matters. We don’t understand how life truly slips away from our fingers in so little time and then it becomes too late – too late to show your parents how much you love them and how much they mean to you; too late for you to do everything in your power to help those in need; too late to worship God in every way you can; too late to realize that every single day you wake up is a blessing, a second chance. The journey is long and hard but with the right heart and mind along with God by your side, it can be the greatest one of all.

this or that

What is this life? Probably the most over asked question. Is it just some game and we get to be the pieces moved around by some big guy up there? Is it a beautiful creation and we get to blessed enough to be a part of it? A test, a transition, what? Many don’t even think of these questions because life gets the best of them. We all get caught up in this world, that we forget we’re here for a reason and that we’re wasting years of our life away just..being. We let life just happen to us.

If you look up at the night sky..and I mean really look..it’ll click. There are billions of stars..planets..galaxies, which have all been there since time began. Us? We’re just here for a tiny moment that comes and passes. That life out there..that’s what’s real. This world is just a blink of eternity.

Living life to the fullest..what does that really mean? To me, it means loving. Caring. Helping. Learning. Being happy. Happiness, now that is a whole other ball game. What is happiness? Is it having everything you wish for? Is it just relaxing with a book or movie after a long, hard day of work? To me, its knowing that everything’s a mess of which most of the time, you have no control over, but accepting it. Accepting the fact that it’s there, and there for a reason. Accepting that you’ll have to just pick your head up and get through it. Knowing that you have your family and friends by your side. Knowing that you can see..hear..walk..talk..do whatever you put your mind to. You might not feel on top of the world but at least..you’ll have hope that one day you just might be; although one could argue, “ everything happens for a reason, but no wise words gonna stop the bleeding”. Confused yet? Me too.

There’s a saying, “the only regrets you have are the risks you didn’t take”. But what if the risks you’ve let yourself take before lead to pain and suffering? How are you supposed to choose between going for what you want and keeping yourself safe? Are you missing out on the true essence of life by not jumping into something and getting whatever experience is in store for you or are you being smart by learning from the past and staying out of the line of fire? Choices, choices, too many choices. Usually, I’d have no problem being a guiding light for loved ones but at the moment promises can’t be made. How can you help others choose when you’re at a crossroads yourself?

another piece of the puzzle

Isn't it strange how we wait for certain, elaborate moments to be inspired and gain a bit more knowledge to keep us going on the path of self discovery but find ourselves in those moments completely unexpectedly?

It's completely fascinating at times how fast clouds can move which is a phenomenon that i had the opportunity to experience myself this afternoon. Sitting by a beautiful bit of nature, the pond by my sister's apartment seemed like the perfect place to just take a breather. There I am, sitting on the rocks, gazing out at the racing clouds while the perfectly motivating song comes on my mp3 player making me feel like I was in an unreal movie.

I was caught off guard when the clouds had perfectly parted to reveal a shining sun and immediately reached for the camera to capture this rare sight. Another pile of dark and funny shaped clouds passed by as I waited for the sun to peek through again and when it did, I again quickly snapped away trying to get the perfect picture. This is where my spontaneous, not as much of an epiphany as a late realization, occurred. This is what my life has been like, what all our lives have always been like. We wake up to rainy mornings never expecting the day to turn beautiful and when it does, the clouds that pass by hold our attention more than the sun that rarely comes through those clouds. Even when the light does decide to show itself, we get so excited about it and get caught up in dreading the coming clouds that we forget to bask in the glory and just enjoy it. The irony however, is that later in the day, the moments that you remember most aren't the long bouts of darkness but those few bursts of light, even if you didn't make the most of it.

As i have always greatly appreciated nature and the everlasting beauty it holds, it never failed to reach within me and touch the spot that lets me feel hope, love and most importantly appreciation for the life i have been blessed with. As of late however, it's been extremely difficult to regain that same emotion which is why i had a longing to make time to visit the graceful water. Though i had gained another piece of knowledge and had a useful realization, i still left without having been touched inside. That leads me to my second realization. Even though the sun may be there, doesn't necessarily guarantee an inner peace or happiness. It should however give us hope that if we are able to notice the sun behind those clouds, that we surely can one day feel again what we lack now.

round and round we go

We all like a rush once in a while. Rides are the perfect producer. The swing ride may be one of the best. Round and round. We feel our hearts jump with every dip, our spirits lift with every rise. The wind in your face, hands gripping tight on the chain.

Until it seems to go too long.

Your head starts to spin. You grip the sides as if it were a lifeline. You shout for it to stop but nobody can hear over the cheers, over the wind. Everyone else seems to be enjoying, not noticing your discomfort; not noticing that you may even faint any second.

The ride is life. The passengers are your loved ones. The controller is God. The one who wants to jump off is you.

slippery slope

it's common sense to not walk on ice. But sometimes we just don't wanna take the energy to go all the way around. We console ourselves by remembering that not everyone always slips. If u walk carefully and pay attention, you'll b fine.
You do this you whole life.
You take the risk of falling and bumping your head or worse, and feel good in a way that you've been doing it so long and haven't slipped.
Then, alas, comes the day.
The day that you're so used to walking over ice and feel that you have so much experience that you don't pay as much attention and are distracted and maybe a
little too over confident. Then..you slip. you're in shock. what just happened? how could this happen? i've never done that. wow.
and then comes the pain.
your ankle is twisted. you try to get up and can't support your weight and fall again, hurting your back this time. the pain doubles. you can't believe you
just got hurt twice in a row. you notice your hands are pretty scraped too. you start to get a headache from the cold and pain.
Everyone knows that you usually handle yourself perfectly so no one expects you to fall and therefore aren't there to help you up or even witness your mishap. the ego kicks in and you angrily remind yourself ' i haven't ever fallen. what the hell is this. i'm not clumsy. it's just ice. i can get up on my own'.
you have a whole bunch of shopping bags in your hands and the ice is still under your feet and your hands are cut up and your back is aching and your head is throbbing and only one leg works.
you can't do it. fine. maybe you should just get some help.
it has started to snow. rain's mixed in there somewhere too. the coffee shop you always go to right by has closed early. your cell phone's dead. one after the other. it seems like your hand is becoming the ice and everything is slipping from it.
you think of getting up on your own again.
it seems impossible. maybe it is.
you try. and you try. when finally you come to the realization that you fell. and now you can't get up.
you're tired. you stop trying.
you start to get comfortable in the ice realizing that you're gonna be on it for a while.
you sit..and wait.
you know it's gonna take a while. you'll just wait until spring shows its face again.
maybe it'll melt a bit of that ice.